I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
