i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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