If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
