Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
