i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
