Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
