I heard we made out
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
