Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
