I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
