Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Everclear isn't food dammit
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
