I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
