it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
