dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
