I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
