Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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