he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
