I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
