Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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