so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
