dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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