I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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