Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
