doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
