just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
