He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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