New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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