Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
