Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
