i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
