He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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