I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
