fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
