I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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