ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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