Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
