I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
