There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
