i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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