I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
