its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
