so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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