I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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