he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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