Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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