I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
