some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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