I can text with my tongue
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
