In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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