Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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