If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
