My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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